i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
