how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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