i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
