New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
