Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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