How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
