i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
