Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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