Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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