when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
