who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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