This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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