She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
