i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize