i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize