I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
