I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
