do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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