Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
