Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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