I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
