So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
