My boss' voice literally gives me gas
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
