my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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