Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
