I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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