What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
