Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
