I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Drunk is not a location!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
