i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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