no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
