and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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