I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
