it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
