His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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