I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you inspire me to be a worse person
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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