Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
