When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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