I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
