Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
