hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
