that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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