3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
