I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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