i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
last night I used snow as a chaser
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
