When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
