where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
