remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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