you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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