I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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