could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
