Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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