well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
