Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
honey bunches of taint.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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