Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
