i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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