I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
