Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
