Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
