so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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