u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
