Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
