apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
