it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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